Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Just Because.

This is kind of a just because post (Hence the title. Captain Obvious strikes again). I feel like posting but don't really have anything particularly planned out. I just want to write, but I'm not even sure about what. Ever have one of those days when it feels like there is something inside your brain just screaming to get out, but you can't figure out just what it is? That's me today.
What I've been thinking about nearly constantly is summer. But then again, who hasn't? I only have six more days of high school ever, and then it's just two and a half months of blissful freedom before I start a whole new adventure. I'm so ready for these used-up Yesterdays to be over and to move full speed ahead into Tomorrow. Of all of the changes I've faced in my life, this is the first one that I have been genuinely excited about and accepting of with very little apprehension. I'm just so ready for the old chapter to end so I can turn the page.
You see, through middle school and high school, I've always been that one kid in some of your classes who rarely says a word, who everyone forgets is even there until the teacher calls on them to answer a question. The one who is labeled as shy and awkward and maybe worse things. The thing is, that's not really me. At home or with my friends, I'm a completely different person. I can be loud, occasionally obnoxious, and sometimes I goof off too much. I am capable of intelligent conversation and I'm prone to obsessing over things. I don't even really understand why I can't be that person in school. Maybe because it's easier to meet their expectations than to try to change them. College is my chance to change that, to get away from those people who think that I'm that person. I hope that in college it can be different, that I can be the person I am at work, at youth group, at home. I just hope that I don't get nervous and tongue tied and ruin it for myself for yet another four years.

This felt a lot like a journal entry, even though I was never one to journal and could never keep one going for more than a month. Maybe this was more for me than for you. I needed to get that down, I guess. I apologize for rambling. A real post will hopefully come soon.

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