It's That Time of Year

It's that time of year again. The time when I get that itch in the corner of my heart to go, see, and do. Normally I'm pretty content to be right where I'm at, but as the days start to get warmer and I'm shedding my cozy layers, I get wanderlust on the brain.

The Lake District

There are so many places I'd like to go. I want to go to England and visit the Lake District. I have ever since I watched Miss Potter (On a side note, highly recommend. That movie is beautiful. Maybe I'll do a post on it sometime...). I want to go to Spain and visit Seville. I want to eat gelato in Italy by the Mediterranean. I want to see Angel Falls in Venezuela. I want to tour a lighthouse in Maine. I want to run my hand across the bark of a Redwood tree in California. I want to hike through a misty forest in Washington.

There's so much I want to see and do, so many places I want to go, that I know there isn't time for all of it.  Still, a girl can dream.

Hello Again

It's been almost a month and a half since I've even thought about this little blog. I would love to get back into blogging again if you'll have me back. I think that little hiatus was really what I needed, because I was digging myself into a pretty deep rut. Here's a bit of an update on what I've been up to these past few months:

School has pretty much consumed my life. I've been writing papers and history outlines, struggling through pages of math homework and studying for tests and quizzes. I've barely had time to keep up with The Book Chewers, much less this little blog. When I haven't been at school or working, I've been spending a lot of time with The Boy. I have also been caught up with watching Netflix (but really, what did we do without it?) as well as feeding my Pinterest addiction. It's a problem, people.

In any case, I really am planning to be much more active here, especially considering that after the next week of finals I will have a month off of school. I truly have missed writing (which I have done entirely too little of lately) and sharing with you guys. I plan to make some seasonal themed posts (because Christmas time is my favorite time) as well as little tidbits of life posts. In short, I plan to pick up right where I left off, and I'm so happy to be back.

♥♥ Kristin

Sometimes.

Sometimes things don't work out the way you want.
Sometimes life punches you right in the gut.
Sometimes all you want to do is curl up in a ball and shut out the world for a little bit, because it's the one problem you can't solve.
"It's always darkest before the dawn" they say, but in the darkness, you often wonder whether the dawn will ever come. 
But sometimes, life gives you hope.
Sometimes, when it starts to feel like you can't go on anymore, a small spark gives you a reason.
Sometimes a smile from a friend, a sunny morning or a piece of Grandma's chocolate cake can be just what you needed.
Sometimes hope comes when you least expect it.

I wrote the first part of this post a few weeks ago, back when it seemed nothing in my little world was going right. Now, looking back, I know that was a hard time for me. But I also see the little things that gave me hope. My friends. My family. The boy. Sunny days. Comfort food. Books. And I know it's so hard to remember, but the bad times don't last forever.
♥♥Kristin

Musings

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♥♥Kristin

Love: My Definition

Well, perhaps "definition" isn't quite the right word for what I'm about to say. It's more like my take on what it means to me. But that was a little long for a title.
So many people have so many different ways to define love, and I honestly think that there is no one true definition. There are as many definitions as there are people. Here's what Webster has to say:
Love: n. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. A feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection as for a parent, child or friend.

And here's what God has to say:

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.⁸ Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a)

What is it to me? Love is feeling perfectly comfortable with that person. It's laughing so hard you have tears running down your face. It's the fluttering in your stomach when you catch a glimpse of their face when you're not expecting it. It's the quivery feeling you get at night when you can't sleep because they're on your mind and the quiet emptiness you feel right after they leave. It's long conversations about the things that really matter. Love is all of this and so much more, and what makes love so special is the fact that you can't possibly put all of it into words.

♥♥Kristin

What Are You Smiling At?

 It's amazing how often I get asked that question. Usually, I'm not even aware that I am smiling, but there I sit with a goofy grin on my face. Usually my reply is "nothing" followed by blushing and looking down at my shoes because I've embarrassed myself again.
But then I wonder what AM I smiling at? And usually the answer is a conversation I had yesterday, the weather forecast for tomorrow, an inside joke that someone's words reminded me of. Something in my little world that makes my heart so happy that I can't help but show it. And as embarrassing as this strange habit is for me, I'm coming to realize that that's just who I am. A girl who can't help but smile because life makes her deliriously happy. And there's nothing wrong with that.
♥♥Kristin

When the Words Don't Come

Do you ever have days or weeks or even months like that? Where you sit at the computer or with a notebook in front of you and there are so many words inside of you but not one of them can make its way from your brain to your fingers? I've been struggling with it for a few weeks now. There are so many emotions roiling around in my head, so many different thoughts flitting from here to there, but not one of them will form itself into a short concise paragraph. As the ever-brilliant John Green said through Augustus Waters, "My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations." There are really so many things I'd like to say, the only problem is that I just can't put my finger on how to say them.
♥♥Kristin

My Faith.

Lately I've been thinking an awful lot about my faith, where I am and what it truly means to me. I was born in a Christian family and I am a Christian. I accepted Christ as my savior when I was 7 or 8. I was baptized when I was 13. I have gone to church every Sunday and youth group every Wednesday and on missions trips every Summer. I'd say I have a fairly extensive knowledge of the Bible. I have strong morals and am what would be considered rather conservative. I'm pro-life. I value modesty and purity. The problem is that that's really where it ends. Too often I feel like I'm just going through the familiar motions. I don't really feel like I have a personal relationship with God. I don't have that spark. I often neglect to read my Bible and prayer is so difficult for me. This is the faith I was born into and it's all so familiar and average to me that I can't get excited about it. I know that this is not where I'm supposed to be and I tell myself that every day, but the motivation to change just isn't in me. I want so badly to change that and I guess that today is as good a day as any. I'm hoping that getting this all down, getting it out, will be the motivation I need to finally make the change for the better. I'm certainly going to try.

♥♥Kristin

The Word of the Year

 You know how some bloggers choose a single word that they keep in lieu of a New Year's resolution? Since I'm not very good at keeping resolutions (Many of my birthday resolutions have already fallen by the wayside) I decided to try it this year. I've been thinking about this for all of five minutes, but I know without a doubt what my word is going to be. It's by no means a new concept for me and it's not unfamiliar around this little blog of mine. In fact, it's the title: the word I've chosen for 2013 is serendipity.

This year I want to just embrace life. As I've said so many times before, everything is so wonderful right now. Rather than try to change it I want to learn to appreciate it more. To smile at the little things. To step back and just admire the beauty of life, to take in the simplicity rather than try to complicate it. This year I want to prove that life was made for living.
♥♥Kristin

2012//The Year in Review

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  It's that time of year again: Bloggers are all writing posts looking back onto the past year and looking forward to the one ahead. Now it's my turn. Here are the highlights:

-In March I started writing this blog and I honestly had no idea where it would be today, or if I'd even stick it out at all. It turns out that I've really enjoyed blogging a lot. It's given me a creative outlet and I've discovered more about myself through blogging. I've written a lot more than ever before and I'm discovering a lot more about myself as a writer. I don't think I'd ever choose it as a career, but it's one of my favorite hobbies. I also enjoy talking to you lovely people.

-This year I also started to get a lot closer to my co-workers. We had so many fun times: going to an amusement park, bowling, Wal-Mart adventures and just generally hanging out and having a blast and laughing until our stomachs hurt. I've developed some real friendships that I am extremely grateful for. I honestly don't know what I would do without these people. I really enjoy spending time with them, even if everyone else thinks we're completely crazy.

-I graduated from high school and started community college. That was a big step in my life. I was completely ready to leave high school because quite honestly it was never my thing. I've always been a bit of a nerd so the learning part was just fine and I even enjoyed most of my classes. I just never felt like I truly fit in with many of the people in my classes. I was always in class with the preps and "populars" and we never got along well. I was also kind of quiet, which didn't help matters for me much. In any case, that part of my life is over now, and if given the opportunity I don't think  I'd go back. I got through it, and that's what matters. Now, in college, I don't have many friends but really I feel like I'm just biding my time there until I move on. Luckily one of my work friends goes there as does my best friend, and another friend from work is planning to go there next year.

This year was actually quite enjoyable, and if I had to live it again, I would in a heartbeat. I just hope 2013 is just as good if not better. I'm not going to make any new years resolutions (let's be honest, I rarely keep them anyway) but here are some of my hopes for the new year:

-So there's this guy. He's sweet and funny, we have such good times together and I feel like I can talk to him about anything. He makes me smile. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much, but according to various people there is some possibility that he'd ask me out. It would be nice...

-I just want to develop the friendships that I have. I feel like we've got some good things going and I just don't want to ruin anything!

As long as things continue much as they have been going, I will be completely content with my life. I love where I am right now, for the first time in a while. This year has been good for me and I can only hope that it continues into 2013. I hope the new year is all you hope it will be, my friends.
♥♥Kristin

Here&Gone

That's how so many things are. The anticipation and the buildup last for days, weeks, months, and then in the span of 24 hours, or one hour, or minutes, that long anticipated something is here and gone. It's the way of life but I can't help wishing that I could drag out those moments just a bit longer. After all of that anticipation, it seems almost anticlimactic that things like Christmas should end so soon. Still, that's not to say that I didn't enjoy it, because I did. We ate lots of food, played lots of card games, and laughed too much for our own good. It was over so quickly, but I'll always have my memories of yet another perfect Christmas.
♥♥Kristin

Aunt Beast//A Wrinkle in Time

I know I keep going on about this book, but let me gush just a bit more.
I don't know how many of you have actually read the book, but I'm going to tell you a little bit about my favorite part (I'll try to keep it spoiler free!):
At one point, Meg and co. end up on the grey planet of Ixchel (Don't ask about the names, I honestly couldn't tell you). Meg is very ill and possibly close to death from a recent traumatizing experience. No one knows what to do. Soon they are approached by three of the planets inhabitants, creatures with four arms and tentacles for fingers and indentations on their faces where features would be. Of course the initial reaction is fear, but the beasts (for lack of a better term) promise to take care of Meg, to make her better. As there is nothing her friends could do for her, they have no choice but to agree.
Meg builds a special bond with the beast who cares for her, and affectionately calls her Aunt Beast. These creatures are like nothing she's ever seen before, and they'd certainly never known a human before. Still, they helped her, and she is overcome by gratefulness. These creatures are my favorite part of the book, and here's why:
They are the most caring, thoughtful, loving creatures. Meg notices that they have a wonderful scent, and thinks to herself, "I hope I don't smell awful to it...But then she knew with a deep sense of comfort that even if she did smell awful the beasts would forgive her."
Despite their unfamiliarity with her species, the beasts selflessly care for Meg and her companions in the most hospitable ways possible.
The beasts planet may appear grey and dreary, but there is so much more to it. There is music more beautiful than anything Meg has heard. They are one with their sun and the stars and nature in a very real way. They experience without seeing. Meg realizes that "It was she who was limited by her senses, not the blind beasts, for they must have senses of which she could not even dream."
Later on when it comes time to leave and for Meg to face her fears again, Aunt Beast selflessly offers to go along with Meg, "to hold her" even though she would be experiencing things she'd never known before and putting herself in danger.
These creatures have really imprinted themselves on me, and every time I read this book again I am reminded of it. They are the kindest, most selfless and giving creatures. They love and give unconditionally, even to an alien girl they barely know. This is the way more people should be. It doesn't matter how different one person is from another, unconditional love is all you need.
♥♥Kristin

A Serious Post.

I'm sure you've all heard about the school shooting in Connecticut by now. It was absolutely horrible, and there's no getting past that. The one tragedy that stuck out to me the most is the story of Victoria Soto, the 1st grade teacher who hid her students in the closets and cabinets of her room as soon as she heard the gunshots. When the shooter came into her room, she told him that her students were in the gym so he just shot her and moved on. I've seen it numerous times on facebook and tumblr, but it breaks my heart every time I see it. As an Elementary Education major, it really makes me think. It's so obvious that she cared so much about her students. She was willing to die for them. I wish I had that kind of bravery, the courage to save all those lives, even at the risk of my own. I care about kids an awful lot, which is why teaching has always been my dream, but I've been battling in my mind over whether I would love each one of my students enough to do something like that for them. In the heat of the moment, who knows how I would react. I would like to think that I would save them, but in reality who knows whether I would stand strong or cave in. It's so unsettling to me, and it's been something that's settled in the pit of my stomach ever since I heard it.

I don't understand why things like this happen, but as long as there are people like that teacher in the world, it's not a horrible place. Horrible people do horrible things for reasons that no one can quite explain, but there are always those stories that emerge that show hope even amidst such a tragedy. Above all we have to remember that God is still present and though it's so hard for us to understand why he allows such things to happen, nothing is in vain. God is good and in the end, he will overcome.
♥♥Kristin

The Hopeless Romantic.

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 That's really what I am though at times I try so hard to hide it. I'm a real sucker for mushy stories and happy endings. I want to be kissed on the forehead and/or in the rain. I want someone to text me the first thing when he wakes up just to say good morning. I want someone who will come up behind me and give me surprise hugs. I want special smiles just for me. I want someone who will come to visit me at work just because he couldn't wait to see me. I want someone who will hold my hand while we walk and put his arm around me when we're watching a movie. I want "that guy" to admit that he's just as crazy about me as I am about him. I want all of that cliche stuff and then some. I want happily ever after and sometimes it's hard for me to remember that life isn't always a fairy tale. It doesn't always turn out the way we want and that's okay. There's nothing wrong with romance so long as you remember not to let it consume you. Be a hopeful romantic but don't let reality bring you down.
♥♥Kristin

What Am I?

**This post is in response to some things I've seen on blogger, tumblr and facebook lately that have really made me consider this question**

 I've realized that for so long I've been trying to figure out where I fit in society, which prefabricated label suits me the best. Am I mainstream? Hipster? Poser? No. I'm just Kristin. I love to laugh, I'm a hopeless romantic, I inhale words, I listen to music, I have the greatest friends in the world, the smallest things make me smile the biggest, and right now life is lovely. That's me. I don't need a label to define who I am.
♥♥Kristin

On Halloween.

I've never been the biggest fan of Halloween. My parents never really celebrated it when I was younger, and now I still don't celebrate it. I don't mean to offend anyone by this, not at all, but here's the way I see it: Halloween is based off of the pagan holidays. The anti-christians. I'm sure you've heard this numerous times before, but here's the history of Halloween or All Hallows Eve: It was believed that on this night, the spirit world and the human world overlapped and that the dead would come back to life and cause sickness and suffering. The costumes and masks were worn to mimic the spirits in order to please them. Bonfires were built to sacrifice animals and crops as sacrifices to the Celtic gods. It became a night to celebrate spirits and witchcraft and dark magic.

The history of this holiday is all about the devil, and to some extent aspects of it are still focused on him with all the talk of vampires, werewolves and ghosts. I understand that for many, the holiday is no more than a fun evening to dress up in a cool costume and visit your neighbors for some candy, but the pretense of it makes me uncomfortable. That's just the way I see it, and I want people to understand my views. Please, don't take offense.
♥♥Kristin

Who I am and Who I've Been.

Today I've been feeling rather retrospective. Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's my upcoming birthday, and maybe it's a combination of the two. Every year when my birthday swings around again, I can't help but think about where I was on my past birthday. This year especially, there have been quite a few changes. Last year I was only a few months into my senior year of high school, eyeball-deep in AP Biology and AP English. I'm still eyeball-deep in homework, but now I'm a high school graduate in college. When I think about where I imagined I'd be, it was not exactly this. I thought I'd be going away to the school of my dreams, possibly rooming there with my best friend and generally having the time of my life. Instead, I am still living at home and attending community college. If I knew this was where I would be a year ago, it probably would have upset me, but right now I can honestly say that I am content with where I am. My life isn't perfect, but when is it ever? In the past year I've formed new friendships and strengthened old ones. I've taken photos, I've written pages upon pages, and overall become more me than I've ever been before. I've learned a lot about who I am as a person, my sense of style and my sense of humor, the way I relate to people and the way I am maybe a little bit of a dork and maybe that's okay. I think that the biggest part of becoming yourself is accepting that that person is who you are going to become, and that's what I've done in the past year: accepted the dorky, introspective, tea-drinking reader, thinker and sometimes-writer that I am. I'm slowly but surely moving past my insecurities that I struggled so much with in the past years. Finally being content with the person you're becoming has to be one of the best feelings in the world.
♥♥Kristin

Constant.

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Lately I've noticed something about myself. I've always hated change, this much I know to be true. The thing I've noticed is that whenever I'm going through a big change, like this transition to college, I choose one thing that has remained constant in my life and cling to that. The familiarity brings me comfort, something to hold onto when it feels like the world is unsteady beneath my feet. Right now, strangely enough, that thing has been my job. The people there are familiar while I'm in classes full of strange faces and names that I don't know at school. The work is the same as it always was (I'm a cashier at a grocery store) even when I'm facing strange math problems and English descriptive essays. It's strange, the things people choose to cling to, the constants of life. I realize that the one thing that I should be clinging to, the constant of all constants, is God. My job could be gone tomorrow, but He will truly be there forever. He'll never fail me, but too often I forget that and feel utterly alone in the world. He's really the only constant I'll ever need if I just remember to turn to Him.
♥♥Kristin.

Wishful Thinking.

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It's something to which everyone falls prey at one point or another. Me? I catch myself a few times a day. It's so easy to do, and maybe it's harmless. You think, "She's so pretty. Maybe if my hair was as straight as hers..." or "He just smiled at me. If only he'd ask me out..." or even, "Wow. I wish I had a cell phone like that..." The harm comes when you let it take over your life, when you let it stop you from being happy because you're too busy wishing about tomorrow instead of enjoying today. Today is your most precious resource, and if you waste it with your head in your hands obsessing over what ifs, you have no one but yourself to blame. Sometimes the if-onlys are hard to shake, but I find what helps me is taking your if-onlys and turning them around. "You have curly hair, and didn't you hear her complaining just the other day that her hair won't hold curls for an hour?" or "He actually smiled at you. Talk to him, and tell your heart to shut up for a few minutes." or "You have money to go to the movies with your friends this weekend because you're not paying an arm and a leg every month for a data plan on one of those fancy smartphones." I'm not saying this is by any means foolproof, and I'm not saying that it's going to be easy. All I'm saying is that it's going to be worth it in the end.
♥♥Kristin

On Blogging Thus Far.

I've been blogging for nearly half a year now, and I must say that for the most part I have enjoyed it immensely. I've had my ups and downs, my insecurities about followers and page views, but I've come to terms with all of that. I'm learning more about who I am as a blogger, what my blogging "style" really is. My favorite posts to write are the impromptu ones, the ones that I write out in ten or fifteen minutes and publish without saving to tweak later. I love writing posts that help you get to know me better, and help me get to know myself better in the process. I love having somewhere to write my thoughts, and how certain things make me feel, and to share the little things that make me smile, because maybe they'll make you smile too. When I first started I didn't know whether this blogging venture would last, but I can't imagine my life without blogging now. Lastly, I would like to thank you, my few sweet, lovely readers. I say quality is better than quantity. Thanks for being awesome!
♥♥Kristin